I'm not exactly sure what shifted my mindset. Partly the magic of autumn working its beautiful wonders on my spirit. And possibly given a kick by that awful woman in the Mail making me think about my so-called religion. So-called because I've loosely defined myself as pagan for years, but have reduced that down to 'random theist', and my paganism has been as strong as half the kids in a catholic school (read: got confirmed, gets me a place at catholic school, haven't been to church since and don't believe in God).
It's been about 11 years since I discovered paganism (specifically Wicca), and this revelation spoke deep into my soul and dissipated the void that had been left when I turned my back on the Christianity in which I'd been raised.
I'm now 30 and my faith has been all but faded away for a number of years. I can attribute this easily to a lack of spiritual food, and I have known for a while that this is something I need to address. What eluded me is the how.
Whatever the reason, I have decided to do one turn of the wheel (that's one calendar year, for those who don't know) "as a non-lapsed pagan," as proclaimed in my recent Facebook status.
It's a little odd in a way to be attempting to become a practicing member of a faith I'm not even sure I believe in. I think there must be a spark of belief somewhere; I know I never consciously turned away from it, but I think it simply got extinguished under the weight of a mortgage, a career, a run of unsuccessful relationships and the dreaded depression. Shrugging off the cynicism and the "my goodness, I feel like such a twit" thoughts are going to be a fair challenge, but I feel like I'm doing the right thing. I've been sitting around hoping the spark of my spirit will suddenly get ignited 'just like tht.' It's not going to happen, so I'm going to give it some encouragement.
This blog is a place to follow my progress, amongst other things.
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