If not wicca, then....?

So in my browsing I discovered a thread on the UK Pagan forums asking why Wicca got such a bad rep.

I had a chuckle to myself as I read this "It's fair to say that a huge chunk of pagans started off their "oh my goodness, I'm a Pagan" life by deciding they're Wiccan. Or wiccan, to be more usually accurate ;)"

Oh look, that's me. Oh look, I was 19 and yes, there is a book by Silver Ravenwolf on my bookshelf. And no, it's not the only Llewellyn title either. Is this the point where I'm suppsed to cringe a little?

You learn something new every day; apparently Wicca (capital W) is a formal tradition such as Gardnerian, with specific rites, levels and such. The more generic wicca (small w) is apparently the non-initiated, non-coven-member, who gleans their information from moderately popular book titles and indeed appeals somewhat to the Teen-Witch phenomenon. See above.

I thought it was interesting that W/wicca (gah, I can't stand slashy speak) appears to get a bit of a bad rep in pagan circles and it was interesting to read the ensuing discussion.

So, I followed a pagan path for a number of years and then lapsed into nothingness. I still feel mostly 'nothingy' but I also feel it is time to move towards something. I've discovered something that makes me want to learn a bit more. I feel a bit like I need to start from the beginning, with an adult's mind not a teenage girl's mind.

I'm wondering what path I actually followed back in my late teens/early twenties. Yes, it was loosely based on wicca I'd read about but I think it developed from that.

Wicca, the more I read, seemed to have more structure than I was wanting or needing. Having left organised Christianity, more specific ritual was something I didn't need. I think there might also have been en element of youthful rebellion, I want to do what I want to do, not what you tell me to do. Trying to map new rituals when I had 18 years of old rituals burned into me wasn't working.

But enough of then. What do I do now? I feel like I should be reading up on the other various strands of paganism. For a number of years I described myself as 'eclectic pagan' which I guess will remain accurate.

I guess I don't fully understand what distinguishes the various paths, other than perhaps the particular pantheon. Most seem to observe the 8 main festivals of the year.

Hmm, I can't even hold this train of thought. I find it quite daunting when I realise I have a lot to learn, and feel like quite a newbie, even though I've 'been' pagan of sorts for a decade. I don't want someone to tell me what to believe or what to do, but I've realised paganism is something so very diverse it can almost be difficult to know where to start.

I suppose realising what the questions are is a good place to start.

At some point I'm going to have to stop reading, stop writing and start doing.